Embracing the Suck

I am forty-four years old.  I’ve been married for almost 23 years and have five children.  I have a bachelor of science degree in secondary education.  I have taught high school English and Special Ed.  I’ve even tackled middle school a time or two.  I have completed a year of law school, after having five children.  Upon completing my first year, I was ranked 13th out of the 133 with whom I started the year.  I’ve held a real estate license in two states.  I’ve run my own small business.  I have worked in outside sales and account management.  I’ve written a novel, and I’ve worked in corporate communications, and I can’t get a job.

Okay, so that’s not totally true.  I’m sure some fast food chain would be happy to have me welcome guests into their establishments, but the types of jobs I’m seeking aren’t seeking me.  Why is that?  What is it that others possess that I don’t?

Since relocating almost a year ago, I have been rejected from numerous jobs – jobs in sales, communications, marketing, administrative assisting, etc.  Hell, I was even rejected for a job to coordinate product shoots for Lowe’s.  I mean, seriously, I have taught teenagers, raised a family of five, relocated my family seven times, and do it like a boss, and you don’t think I can organize a photo shoot? 

Now, I am very well aware that my resume is messy.  Like I said, I have five kids and a husband whose job has always taken priority.  As a result, I have taken work as it’s been afforded to me, and during some stints, I haven’t worked at all because that’s what my family needed.  But here I am.  My family is settled.  My children are older and don’t need the attention they once did.  I’ve finally reached a point where I can be a little selfish and make it about me for once, and I’ve never felt more frustrated or defeated in my life.

There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to write this post.  This blog is supposed to be about embracing the wonder in every moment of life, and here I am being a Debbie Downer, but I truly believe that in order to really experience the wonder, we have to be real.  We have to understand that life is not perfect.  Things don’t always work out the way we want.  And sometimes, we just have to embrace the suck, even when it reduces us to tears. 

So, I’m going to cry these tears.  I’m going to let myself have a moment when I don’t have to be wonder woman, because those moments are few and far between.  But, when this moment has passed, I am going to use this frustration and let it fuel me. 

I am a wife and a mother.  I am strong.  I am determined.  I am capable.  And, quite frankly, I am unstoppable.  Circumstances may temporarily get me down, but they can’t keep me down unless I allow them to.  I choose to rise above.

Every season of life, every moment on this earth is essential to the journey.  This moment in time, however frustrating it may be, is going to get me to where I am meant to be because I am going to allow myself to feel it, to learn from it, to see it for what it is, nothing more and nothing less.  So, here is to the journey (if you could see me, I am raising my glass of wine because not only did this moment include tears, but it needed wine as well).   Here is to turning frustration into a call to action.  Here is to embracing the suck and finding the wonder even when it doesn’t seem to be there.  Here is to claiming the life I deserve and having the determination to make it happen. 

 Join me friends.  Don’t get sucked into the quagmire of despair.   Learn from the downs in life so that the ups are even higher and more beautiful.  Learn, grow, love, and enjoy the journey.